go to sleep, please.

I'm supposed to be dozing off at this time. what the hell was i doing for past few hours?
sighh... i can't believe i did that again.
watch himym just to what? track back the line? what for?
and read back all the past posts. what for?
for heaven's sake, when will i stop doing this?
it's pointless anyway. things aint gonna change.
oh well, oughta sleep now.
gotta work at 1pm till 10pm :( gonna be tiring.

slowtard line. pfft!

As usual, its been loong time since the last post.
im so fucking sleepy right now, but im staying up just to help my sis' cafe world. >.>
while waiting the fucking slowtard line to load, suddenly have a thought of blog my recent life.

well, have been pretty busy lately, due to my dead-end job.
errr not really lar, just exaggerate abit since im just a part timer. teehee.
let me help u to comprehend why me being dissatisfy with this job.
basic pay - low
commission - fuckin low
working hours - very long. 3 days continuous 12 hrs. can u imagine? no life at all :(
boringness - the max!

and today i get to sleep this late because im having off day tomorrow, and the only single day-off in a week! fuhh..
why did i put myself in this stupid job then?
thinking back, i guess desperation leads to impulsiveness and then leads to a wrong decision.
spending too much on previous months and due to my personal financial crisis, i ended up like this. lol.

apart from that, and oh, my henna art, its fading away :( :(
and they look terrible on my hand now, look like drew by a washed out pen pfft..
so here's the nice pic of it, not the washed out look tho :)


got this from penang hill, cost me RM15. its pretty expensive.
but hell, i love it :D gonna make another 1 next time ;)

and here are some of the previous months pictures.
gonna jump into bed right after posting this. my eyes are open for few centimeters only :s


awesome hotel with the "awesome" price.
ur jaws are gonna dropped when u found out the price
at the meantime, im looking forward to Eastin Hotel, which will official open to public on 12th nov. cant wait to check that place out ;)


count how many durians we've eaten? :)


picture can be deceiving, but the taste, mm mmmmm.... haha


penang view taken from penang hill.

so i guess that's all.
and oh, im jogging my way to PBIM :)

still working out these days.
for now, im gonna jog my way to my bed.
good night.. yawnnn....

:(

I feel so........

TRAPPED

doing nothing

What the hell have been doing since i came back - nothing but slacking. lol i can rhyme.
uhh, to make it sounds better, not really slacking la.
Play mousehunt all day long, tho it's just a passive game, but mh page 24/7 is on!
and guess what, i just found mouse hunt's blog! awesome.

well apart from that, i don't know what triggers me to start fixing my laptop by myself.
darn this song is damn annoying. *change song 1st*
ok back. anyway, im a dunce at this field.
it's just that my laptop has gone way too haywire until i couldn't take it anymore.
basically its just about virus and errors in registry thinggy. but the speed is making me pulling my hair off.
so finally everything's fixed by searching solutions and downloading and fixing. PHEW!

next, what else.. err. oh ya. after coming back, everybody says i've put on weight. :O
except my mom. she says not a part of my body has changed. hm... i guess that's a mommy's job? to say good things about daughter? lol.
so i go to gym every evening :D thumbs up.
well except yesterday. coz i joined belly dance. haha. it was fun!
and today. sheesh. i dont know why feel so tired today.

i oughta find a job. short of cash so badly.
but.. aihss...
need to start to think...........................................

anyway, happy mooncake festival?

finally i get into sleep. but i....

ok i think i've been wide awake for days, only get myself rest for few hours, i'm awake now, at this time =.=
was soooo tired after coming back from cameron today.
went to bed around 12am. and bam, im awake at this time around. pfft..

sigh... i supposed to be enjoying. and i need it.
i wonder why i don't feel it this way.
going back penang this saturyday, fear embracing me, and it's getting stronger.
shit, this is not right.
i wonder what i'm going to do in this 3 long months of sem break.
sigh.. at least last year i had objective to be fulfilled and plans to follow.
sien........ :( :( :(

put me into sleep. pleaseeee

Once again, it's quarter to 7am. my eyes are still wide opened.
having trouble of sleeping very frequent these days.
I often ask myself what are the reasons of causing me insomnia?
is it stress? caffeine? not trying hard enough to get myself into sleeping mode? or depressed?

sigh.. the last paper of finals is this coming wed.
and i'll be having 3 whole months of sem break.
people are so thrilled about having holidays. but not me.
I just don't know why.. it seems like i've lost my direction.
I don't have any plans for my 3 months of sem break. ya its 3 months! what i ought to do?
vague of plans suggested, but i still don't know how to draw the map out.

sigh.. feel like eating chocolate right now so badly.
thinking of bad things that happen upon some people, some innocent people.
i feel as though it is a fate that they have to face this dilemma.
how i wish i could help. how i wish i could give a better advice, or comfort.
i've always feel i never did a good job, or role or whatever shit, that i could do much better than that.
i feel so grateful that i have u such a great friend like u right here. and how badly i wish i could help. all i can do now is to provide my company.

thinking of people around me, some are so fortunate while some are the other way round.
I feel im blessed to have a lovely family. I am very thankful for everything i have.
But sometimes i still guiltily ask for more, crave for something that i already have, but just above the level.
was it love? freedom?

Talking about love, it always drive me to reminisce back old times.
I realised that i don't put that much effort on it anymore.
perhaps the wounded scars taught me the lesson that love doesn't last?
i've already lost of faith on it.
sometimes too lost that makes me feel annoyed and unintentionally hurt someone that care for me.
am i taking the wrong path?
though people been telling me as long as i'm happy, it worth it. but am i?
I just want to say I'm sorry.

explain why?!

I find it i can't explain what are the reasons behind that i feel it this way.
I know it can be explained, but it's so complicated as though too much of equations and derivations behind how the way i feel.
At one moment i can explain well why im upset about this and that, providing theories, examples and putting into situation to convince other ppl that i'm not wrong to be upset about this thing.
But the next minute i feel this equation ought to substitute into that equation, which makes everything so complicated that i feel i've lost my explanation.
And when i view the whole pic of what i've explained previously, i realize that it doesn't make sense. That's the time when i'm awared that am i being too sensitive?
At the end, i lost myself. i don't even know whether should i feel this way.
Is it wrong that i feel this way.

Some people stick strongly to their beliefs, and they can really explain well what's the reason behind they feel this way, but not that way.
Despite how other people douse different situations and examples or experiences they've been through, he/she still able to convince other people that his/her beliefs isn't wrong.

Talking about the degree of sensitivity, i used to take things lightly, freely, not to bother that much.
I used to consider i am not sensitive enough.
But after been through some situations, i gather myself up and become kinda sensitive, makes me feel strong and confident.
Sometimes expectations that i've put on people, makes me kinda frustrated when the things they do oppose my beliefs.
Without realizing nor having the intention of hurting anyone, i've hurt that person by blurting some shitty stuff without giving a damn instead.
which in turn makes me feel i'm way too self-centered.

sigh... is that really hard to express what is the reason and why u do something?
what is right? what is wrong?